God Blesses Those Who Suffer for Love

It is human nature to want to see the results of our decisions before we make them.  We want to know, 'What will be the outcome if I choose _______ versus if I choose ________."  It would be nice to be able to 'look into a crystal ball' and see the results of our decisions before we make them... but life doesn't work that way.  God doesn't work that way.

By faith I chose to stay with my husband.  By faith, I chose to honor the commitment I had made to him.  It was only after I made that that crucial decision that God rewarded me with blessing upon blessing.

One of the first blessings I was to receive after choosing to love came in a vivid dream.  I knew that choosing to love my husband after his infidelity would be extremely painful and difficult on our love life.  How could I be intimate with a man who had betrayed me and had been intimate with other women?  How would I overcome the mental torment of picturing him lying with others who were not his betrothed?  How could I heal from that?  I sought The Lord for help.  He answered me in a dream.

The evening of the night I made that choice to continue to love my husband, I found myself crying out for God's healing hand upon our marriage.  I knew that only He could heal our broken hearts.  Shortly after drifting off into sleep, the dream began.  I was walking through the halls of a hospital.  Everywhere I looked, there was white.  The walls were white, the floors were white, the doors were white... even the nurses were clothed in white.  I wasn't sure where I was going, but I knew what I was looking for... I was looking for my husband.  Somehow I knew that he was sick and that he was getting medical help in a room somewhere.  I had this pressing urge to find him as quickly as I could. Taking a deep breath, I approached a nurse and asked for my husband.  She pointed me to the Intensive Care Unit.  My heart sank... it was worse than I thought.

Mustering up what courage remained, I walked forward and opened the door.  I will never forget the sight that met my eyes.  The entire room was bathed in white.  The marble tile on the floor...bright white.  The billowy drapes hanging over the windows...bright white.  The sheets upon the bed...bright white.  The curtain dividing the room...bright white.  Then I looked up to the man lying in the bed.  He was naked from the waist up, with a white sheet carefully draping the lower half of his body.  The look upon his face was one of perfect peace.  It was my husband... Unlike I had ever seen him before.  He was changed.  He looked upon me with loving eyes and gently patted the bed beside him, beckoning me to his side.  A wave of joy shot through me.  I ran to him, sat down beside him, and laid my head on his chest.  I started to cry.  He rubbed my back and told me everything is going to be alright... He was where he needed to be... he was healing.

I woke up from my dream with so many emotions flooding through me.  The first was complete gratitude.  I was immediately  grateful that God had gifted me with such a dream.  It was complete affirmation of the choice I had made.  Right away, I knew what the dream meant.  The hospital was a place of recovery... My husband was in the road to recovery and redemption.  The nurses were God's angels ministering to us in our time of need.  The white obviously stood for  purity... God was healing my husband, making him pure.  He once was sick, but he was being healed. He once was blind, but he was starting to see.

That beautiful dream affirmed to me that day exactly what God was doing... Healing.  Ater all, our God is the God who heals.  In the months and years that have followed that dream, I think back upon it with awe and admiration.  God spoke to me that night.  He clearly showed me His plan for restoration and healing. The beauty is that He chose to do so after I made the choice to follow Him.  It wasn't until I took that step of faith to choose to love and stand by my husband that I was rewarded with such an affirming dream as that.  God asks for our obedience... before we can see the results of it.  But so often it is our obedience that will result in blessings beyond measure.

Why I Chose to Stay

Obedience isn't always easy.  In fact, it usually never is.  When God spoke to me through His word, He point-blank told me I was to remain fighting for my marriage.  My initial reaction was, 'Yes, Lord, I will do what you ask.'  My second thought was, 'How am I going to explain this?

Our marriage struggles were not private.  They were, and have been, exploited all over the media.  I can personally attest to the corruption and cruelty of today's media in exposing half-truths and lies as solid fact.  We experienced this first-hand, with no avenue to defend ourselves.  It has been a harsh, painful road that has left a bitter taste in my mouth for journalists and news media.

That said, the story that had been painted of me and my husband left my family and friends completely incredulous when I shared that I was going to fight for my marriage.  Everyone's first response, my pastor included, was that I had the Biblical and legal right to leave him.  How would I explain to friends, family and peers what God had so clearly revealed to me?  That, I soon discovered, was up to God.

My dad, who was extremely protective of me (as every loving father should be), immediately set up a meeting with two high-powered attorneys in the wake of the media exploitation.  Walking into the meeting, I assumed it was a formality to discuss what could be done to protect me financially (kinda silly since I didn't have much).

Nothing could have prepared me for the attorneys' first question: "So, are we filing divorce papers today?"

I remember the blood rushing up into my face.  Sitting around a mahogany conference table on the top floor of a Newport Beach attorney's office with three pairs of eyes staring at me was not where I wanted to be at that time.  I wanted to run.  God wanted me to stay.  I heard a voice inside my heart say, "Now.  Share now."

Awesome.  God sure has a sense of humor.  Here I was, a 30-something 5'3" small-framed woman sitting across this gigantic table from three giants of men - 2 high-power attorneys and my father, a respectable businessman and mayor... And God says, "Now."

Before I knew it, my mouth started moving.  I heard the words ringing in my ears before I had time to edit them.  I won't forget what I heard:

"No.  I believe in God.  I believe in the sanctity of marriage... And I will not give up on that.   I believe that God can restore and reconcile any marriage... And I believe He's going to do that with ours."

Silence.

The men looked at each other and didn't really have any words.  God had spoken and it had left men dumbfounded.

I remember walking out of that office feeling like I was on cloud nine. (I'm sure the divorce attorney in the room didn't share my sentiments.)  After suffering the painful brutality of media, it was nothing short of a victory to me.  I had listened and obeyed God.  I had relayed the Truth.

Obedience is rarely easy... But it is rewarded.

Deuteronomy 11

¹³ And if you will diligently heed My commandments which I command you this day—to love the Lord your God and to serve Him with all your [mind and] heart and with your entire being—²⁵ There shall no man be able to stand before you; the Lord your God shall lay the fear and the dread of you upon all the land that you shall tread, as He has said to you.

²⁶ Behold, I set before you this day a blessing and a curse—

²⁷ The blessing if you obey the commandments of the Lord your God which I command you this day;

¹⁴ I will give the rain for your land in its season, the early rain and the latter rain, that you may gather in your grain, your new wine, and your oil.

Should I Threaten to Leave Him?

I have heard many women say, "My husband knows that if he ever did anything like that, I'd divorce in an instant."

Out of naiveté, I'll admit, there was a time when I actually thought this same thing.  Though I don't recall ever voicing it aloud to my husband, I do feel as if I had this unspoken understanding that if ever I caught him doing ______, he'd be outta there.

Unfortunately, this is conditional love.  It is love that states, "As long as you do this, I will love you and accept you... But as soon as you do that, you are no longer welcome to receive my love."

Putting myself in my husband's shoes, I can only imagine what this type of belief about love would do to a man.  If he struggles with anything that his wife threatened to leave him over, would he ever be so bold as go bring it out in the open?  Heck no.  He would do whatever he could to keep that secret struggle hidden, wanting to risk nothing that could possibly result in the repeal of her love.  So what happens?  The secrets live on... The husband cannot confide in his one true companion to get help, comfort, and encouragement... And so the secrets remain hidden.

I know this because I lived it.  My husband felt that he could not come to me for help in his sexual addiction.  He felt it would risk our entire marriage... Why would he come to a woman who might possibly shun him for the the very things he shared?  I failed to communicate an unconditional love towards him and he failed to communicate his struggles to me.

When a spouse communicates that they will withdraw their love from the other because of something they may or may not do, the other spouse will not feel safe in the relationship.  They will keep their struggles to themselves.  As a result, both partners remain isolated and the marriage is weakened.  I believe this is Satan's greatest ploy to bring down marriages today... The lie that we won't truly be loved if our spouse really knew our deepest struggles.   Satan loves this because it keeps the marriage from experiencing true intimacy.

God created marriage to be a one-ship...  Two people joined together as one.  My husband and I grow in intimacy when we share our struggles with each other, pray about them, and hold each other through it.  With each struggle we face comes a new chance to grow the intimacy in our marriage.  I firmly believe that our marriage is as strong as it is today because of the pain and struggles we have openly shared and loved each other through together.  This is love without condition.  It's the hardest way to love, but it is, by far, the most fulfilling.