Why I Chose to Stay

Obedience isn't always easy.  In fact, it usually never is.  When God spoke to me through His word, He point-blank told me I was to remain fighting for my marriage.  My initial reaction was, 'Yes, Lord, I will do what you ask.'  My second thought was, 'How am I going to explain this?

Our marriage struggles were not private.  They were, and have been, exploited all over the media.  I can personally attest to the corruption and cruelty of today's media in exposing half-truths and lies as solid fact.  We experienced this first-hand, with no avenue to defend ourselves.  It has been a harsh, painful road that has left a bitter taste in my mouth for journalists and news media.

That said, the story that had been painted of me and my husband left my family and friends completely incredulous when I shared that I was going to fight for my marriage.  Everyone's first response, my pastor included, was that I had the Biblical and legal right to leave him.  How would I explain to friends, family and peers what God had so clearly revealed to me?  That, I soon discovered, was up to God.

My dad, who was extremely protective of me (as every loving father should be), immediately set up a meeting with two high-powered attorneys in the wake of the media exploitation.  Walking into the meeting, I assumed it was a formality to discuss what could be done to protect me financially (kinda silly since I didn't have much).

Nothing could have prepared me for the attorneys' first question: "So, are we filing divorce papers today?"

I remember the blood rushing up into my face.  Sitting around a mahogany conference table on the top floor of a Newport Beach attorney's office with three pairs of eyes staring at me was not where I wanted to be at that time.  I wanted to run.  God wanted me to stay.  I heard a voice inside my heart say, "Now.  Share now."

Awesome.  God sure has a sense of humor.  Here I was, a 30-something 5'3" small-framed woman sitting across this gigantic table from three giants of men - 2 high-power attorneys and my father, a respectable businessman and mayor... And God says, "Now."

Before I knew it, my mouth started moving.  I heard the words ringing in my ears before I had time to edit them.  I won't forget what I heard:

"No.  I believe in God.  I believe in the sanctity of marriage... And I will not give up on that.   I believe that God can restore and reconcile any marriage... And I believe He's going to do that with ours."

Silence.

The men looked at each other and didn't really have any words.  God had spoken and it had left men dumbfounded.

I remember walking out of that office feeling like I was on cloud nine. (I'm sure the divorce attorney in the room didn't share my sentiments.)  After suffering the painful brutality of media, it was nothing short of a victory to me.  I had listened and obeyed God.  I had relayed the Truth.

Obedience is rarely easy... But it is rewarded.

Deuteronomy 11

¹³ And if you will diligently heed My commandments which I command you this day—to love the Lord your God and to serve Him with all your [mind and] heart and with your entire being—²⁵ There shall no man be able to stand before you; the Lord your God shall lay the fear and the dread of you upon all the land that you shall tread, as He has said to you.

²⁶ Behold, I set before you this day a blessing and a curse—

²⁷ The blessing if you obey the commandments of the Lord your God which I command you this day;

¹⁴ I will give the rain for your land in its season, the early rain and the latter rain, that you may gather in your grain, your new wine, and your oil.

Have I Fallen Out of Love?

It's not uncommon to hear the words, "We fell out of love" at the end of a deteriorating relationship.  Hearing these words, I can't help but question, "Is it actually possible that someone can fall out of love?  How can love be something that you  fall into or out of???"  Wouldn't this imply that love is something done to you, not something you do?  

When I look at the simple instruction Jesus gave us in "love one another," I am reminded that love is indeed an action.  Not only is it an action, it is a command.  Jesus commands us to love.  Notice He didn't ask us to love each other if 'it felt good.'  No, His command was simply to love.  Period.  And, as with all commands, we have the choice to obey it or not.

I choose to love my husband, despite his shortcomings and failures (which, by the way, we all have... unless we're not human).  He chooses to love me, despite all of mine.  We call this loving "all" of each other.  I love "all of him" and he loves "all of me."  Though it's definitely not always easy, we have made this choice... And God continues to reward us in unexpected and completely irrational ways because of it.

It is our hope that with God's grace we can encourage other couples to do the same by sharing a little of what we've learned on our journey.