"It's who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That's the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship. God is sheer being itself - Spirit. Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration."
-John 4:23-24 (MSG)
We all have things that we's rather keep hidden. For me, it's my shopping and food addictions. I love to shop and I love to eat. If I'm having a crappy day, the first place I want to go to is the mall for a yummy treat and a new purchase. Upon my return home, I do whatever I can to hide the evidence. I make sure that I stash that Pottery Barn bag before my husband has a chance to see it... then I place my new purchase in a location where I pray he won't notice it, all the while rehearsing a response in my head should he do so: "Oh, that? That's been there for some time."
For my husband, it's his sexual addiction. Largely in part to the sexual abuse he incurred as a child, (not to mention the sexual images that are flashed before our eyes everywhere these days... but that's a whole other story.) He struggles each day of his life with lust and provocative images. If he's having a crappy day, the first thing he wants to do is escape. Though he's come a long way in his addiction, he still struggles with the thoughts and images that flood his head. Just like my shopping, he has to fight the desire to keep his struggle hidden.
Why do we hide these parts of us? I think the answer lies in Scripture. Why did Adam and Eve hide from God when first they realized that they had sinned? They thought they wouldn't be fully loved when He discovered it. I hide my shopping because I think my husband's disappointment will result in a withdrawal of his love for me. Similarly, my husband hides his sexual temptations from me because he thinks that I will love him less if I knew the extent of his struggles. The result? There remains this hidden part that we keep from one another... and that hidden part remains unloved.
My husband and I have been through a lot of extensive therapy from traumatic incidents we have experienced over the past few years. One thing we have learned in our therapy is that we cannot keep these parts of us hidden. If we do, not only are we are sabotaging the ability for our spouse to love us unconditionally, but we are surrendering the gift of being loved unconditionally.
When Jesus approached the woman at the well and asked her to fetch her husband, she could very well have kept hidden the fact that the man she was currently living with was not her husband. She did not. I believe she was one of the most courageous women in the Bible. Why? Because she chose not to hide. The result? Jesus offered her unconditional love.
That's the kind of love I want to feel from my Heavenly husband (Jesus) and my earthly husband. In order to experience it, however, I have to be just as brave as the woman at the well. No more hiding my Pottery Barn bags. Exposing my struggles, I allow my husband to love me for me... all of me... even the parts of me that struggle and fail. As for him, no more hiding his sexual struggles (he can't anymore!)... we talk about it and I love him through it. My husband and I don't have it all figured out (duh!), but we are trying. We are both working on openly sharing our struggles with one another. It is far from easy... it takes a lot of courage, and I sometimes revert to old habits of hiding. But here's what I do know... it is a sure-fire way to experience a deeper love... a more intimate, unconditional love.
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