Sunday, March 3, 2013

Am I Not Good Enough?

In the months that passed following my husband's betrayal, I set aside the time, money, and energy to better take care of myself.  The first thing I did was acquire a trusted and wise Christian counselor who could walk me through the turmoil.  This was crucial for my healing process.

My counselor helped me to see that in the years preceding the betrayal, I had not been respectfully treating myself as Jesus wanted me to be treated.  I had given myself the backseat to husband, kids, work, and everything/everyone around me.  She pointed out that I regarded myself with a low self-worth... That I believed I didn't deserve anything better than a cheating husband and an unfulfilling marriage.  It was time to turn that thinking around.

Through months and months of therapy, I learned the invaluable truth that I am God's child...valued more than rubies.  Proverbs 31:10 Amplified Bible (AMP) 10 "A capable, intelligent, and [a]virtuous woman—who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls."  This was a new concept to me... to think that I was more valuable to God than precious rubies or pearls!  The pure thought of it made me smile.  

A woman who has been betrayed by her husband will inevitably think, "I wasn't good enough... He went outside our marriage because I wasn't young enough, pretty enough, smart enough...etc., etc."  The list could go on forever, and it's devastatingly haunting.  Though these words are Satan's words, drummed up from the father of lies to tear women down, these words are indeed damaging.  If rehearsed and given any credence, they will be completely destructive to ourselves and our relationships.  Satan would love to get us to believe we aren't good enough, for then there would be no reason to stay in the fight for our marriage.  The only way to fight the lies is with the truth of the scriptures.

As part of my healing process, I chose to participate in a bit of 'retail therapy' in which I went out and purchased signs of scripture to put all around our home.  One of the signs simple says, "She knew she was worth more than rubies."  There are times that I have to literally I look at this sign and say the words out loud: 'She knew she was worth more than rubies.... She knew she was worth more than rubies... She knew she was worth more than rubies.'  I drill this truth into my head until I can again recognize my worth as a daughter of the King.  

Now, it's my husband who reminds me of this truth day by day.  He has been redeemed and made completely new in Christ Jesus.  He is a new creation... a mighty warrior for Jesus now who reminds me of who I am in Christ.  God has healed and restored our marriage in miraculous ways. By His amazing grace, we share a deeper, more fulfilling relationship than we ever thought imaginable.  My husband comforts me through my pain and I comfort him through his. The result is incredible intimacy... A oneness that is unimaginable.



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